Tagged: Life

Jul 25

‘I’m forever damaged’

I truly do feel for 29 year old Matt Manion of Foxton Beach.

A lapse of judgement left him paralysed from the waist down. His job as a mechanic most likely over, and his time spent running and jumping with his 5 year old son a distant memory.

Of course, it was not Matt’s fault.

“I shouldn’t have let him drive, but I trusted him because I’d known him so long,” Matt said.

So, Paul Thomas Guidera, also 29, who was driving that night of the accident is solely to blame. He is serving 2 years for his lapse of judgement, and paying $25,000 in fines, and will likely be living with it the rest of his life as well. Especially if all his friends are like Matt Manion.

It’s a tragedy for sure. But the question I ask is who forced Matt into the car that night? He admits he shouldn’t have let Paul drive.

Placing the blame solely on Guidera is an underlying issue with modern society. We see it every day, the dumbing down of individual choice and responsibility.

How is it someone who got into a car voluntarily, knowing his friend had been drinking, can place so much blame on one person.

Just as well there are no law suits available to him, perhaps moving to America would suit his sense of responsibility better.

I wish Matt Manion well in his road to recovery, but do wonder if the wound that will take the longest to heal will be his friendship with Paul Guidera.

The lapse of judgement was mutual, and to believe anything else will simply cause ongoing bitterness.

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May 31

Death on my mind

Death has been on my mind a lot the last few weeks.

It seems strangely morbid that I have become so fascinated with the harsh reality of life, being death.  I don’t know why it has become so important lately.  Obviously there is death all around us, on the radio, in the newspaper and on TV, but it has never really had any influence on me in the past.  Not that I recall anyway.

Could it be that turning forty in less than six months has something to do with it?

This weekend has been particularly bad. Reading about the poor boys left without parents and losing their sister in the tragic accident on State Highway 30 near Benneydale, east of Te Kuiti.  Their lives will never be the same, having lost their family in one single moment of poor judgement by one of the drivers.

Gone to is the partner of Dennis Lattimer, a well-known mural artist from Opunake.

It also reminds me of the poor young girl who lost both her parent from an accident at a rail crossing. The tradegy is enough to catch your breath,

All of these thoughts about death have made sure our insurances are up to date, and provide sufficient coverage to take the financial worry away in the event of a family tragedy, although my wife does jokingly suspect I am planning to top her off.

People don’t like planning for these sorts of things.  But in my opinion it’s important to have contengencies.  Especially if you have a young child.

So, what insurance and plans have you got in place?  When was the last time you checked your insurance policies?

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Feb 18

The Three Tales of Abraham

I’m not a religious person. I have faith, but not in any spiritual or superior being. And that faith is based on my firm belief that we as individuals make our own destiny, our own choices.  Sometimes events or people have made choices that impact us, and despite what we do, we can not change the influence those people or events have over us.  We then have to work within the bounds of those influences, still taking action and making choices.  My belief structure is very loosely based on Taoism.

To put it in a spiritual context, does the rock fight the river eventually being forced into the sea, or does it change into a pebble and continue on with it’s existence, the water washing over it.

Now, back to the subject at hand. Despite not being religious, I do find religion fascinating.  In particular, I find Islam, Christianity and Judaism most fascinating. The similarities are astonishing, but probably more intriguing is that all three say the other two are wrong, more or less. Yet let’s take an example of how close they can be.

Abram, who changed to Abraham at some point is a fine example.

Bruce Feiler described Abraham as “the shared father of Jews, Christians and Muslims, the patriarch of the Hebrew Bible, the spiritual forefather of the New Testament and the architect of the Koran.”

How can this possibly be if only one religion is the true religion? Surely one must be right, and two must be wrong? Or have the powers that drive these religions simply lost their way?  Could it be the “God” in his various guises is playing some cruel joke at the expense of the many millions who have died over the centuries of religious wars stretching through our history.

Abraham’s sacrifice of his son, Isaac, is still a large part of two of the religions. Yet they hate each other. Why is it that these religions can not see that the most likely cause of their differences is the term “lost in translation”. Over the years, they have split and segregated into three separate religious engines yet their fundamental bases are just too similar to discount.  Most of the differences are subtle to say the least.

It is time for the non-religious of the world to stand up and say enough.  These three religions have caused so much death and destruction. It is time for them to come together and celebrate their similarities and share their differences.

If there is a God, it would probably please them greatly to see their children come together and embrace one another with love and understanding.

I truely hope common senses prevails in my life time, but the hatred between the three has been there a long time. It will likely take a common enemy for them to come together as one.  Perhaps that is the ultimate test of faith?

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Jan 20

Observing the Observer

I’ll be the first to admit that I am an introvert.

I dislike crowds, noisy place and find it very difficult to be comfortable around new people I have only recently met.

But despite that, I like watching people, actually, it’s closer to an addiction.  In fact, my wife finds it damn annoying.  We can be sitting at a cafe or restaurant, and while I am listening to her, I will be watching and listening to three or four other tables, or the staff behind the counter, or even things happening on the street.

Today for instance I was at a kebab cafe waiting for a takeout order. I saw various people. Some young office workers chatting about the Big Day Out. A couple of obvious IT people, discussing quite heatedly the fact their project manager was a fuck wit.  An older woman, maybe in her 60s sitting in a corner with a notebook (a paper one, not a computer!) The most intriguing was a family, with a son and two daughters.  The eldest looked to be about 14, and was at that point teasing her sister while still trying to be “mature” while talking to her parents. It was amusing because she would break into childish giggles, then try to be all adult a moment later. She felt very grown up when her dad asked her to go order some more drinks.

Very seldom do I ever get caught “observing” people, although I sometimes get strange looks when I chuckle about a conversation I overhear when it’s obvious I am standing there on my own.

However, I caught the eyes of older lady and she beamed a smile that was nearly as cheeky and childlike as the young teenage girl I had just been observing. Her eye were piercing blue and full of life.  I smiled back, a little embarrassed at being caught out.

After getting my food,  I walked past the window where she was sitting. Looking in, I saw various sketches, including a couple of me.

Guess I am not the only observer around, and she obviously had far more practice at it than me because I never knew she was observing the observer.

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Dec 08

Frailty

Today I drove past a fatal accident.

Some poor guy made a judgement call and crossed in front of a bus going 80km an hour in his white Ford Telstar station-wagon. His judgement was wrong, and he is dead, a few weeks before Christmas.

It made me think.

If I die my family is well looked after, but what might happen in the future?  Will my son go bad without a father figure?  Will my wife spin out of control?  Have I left enough money to make  it a little bit easier to adjust to a life without me?

All these thoughts washed across me as I drove past the tarpaulin covered car at 8.15am this morning.

When i got home, the first thing I noticed was a dead Kingfisher chick on our driveway.  It’s legs stuck at awkward angles and the lifeless eyes were a stark reminder of what my imagination showed me behind the pale blue tarpaulin earlier in the day.

It’s the eyes.  I have seen many dead creatures, and the lifeless eye always cut to the core.

Today, I realized the frailty of the human condition.  Our life, or our death can be formed in a second.

And I wondered, not for the first time, what would it feel like to die?

I also pulled out “Some Girls Wander by Mistake” by Sisters of Mercy – an album I have not listened to for years.

I feel vulnerable today.  I feel frail.

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Jun 09

Incarceration

Incarceration – it is something that I have thought of many times in my nearly 38 years on this planet.

Why? Because many years ago I learnt the difference between freedom and incarceration can be a single choice at a given moment in time.

I recently heard a story from someone who had gone along to see a woman called Celia Lashlie. Obviously, because of Chinese whispers it may not be 100% accurate, but it does cover the gist of the situation.

A young man was at a bar, he was a good young man. He had excellent school marks, and a great testimonial from his school. After a few drinks, an event occurred that was to change his life forever. He overheard a bouncer removing a patron for being disruptive, and the patron was verbally abusing the bouncer, including making racial comments. The young man, of the same race as the bouncer, took offence and hit the drunk patron, who fell, hit his head, and died. The young man is now in prison for a moments foolishness and bad luck.

Now, some would say he got what he deserved. But I have been that young man many times in my life. At parties, bars and pubs. Striking out in anger or stupidity or in the defence of a friend or even simply to try an impress a girl. I have done it sober and intoxicated.

Any one of those occasions could have resulted in me being in prison had fate decided to escalate the event.

As the father of a 2 year old, my greatest fear is for him to be involved in such a silly situation, either at the receiving end or the instigator.

The greatest challenge I see ahead is providing the environment that my son can develop the good sense and self esteem to never put himself in such a situation.

On a side note, I just found a blog of a guy who is about to go into prison. Very very bizarre, but also though provoking.

The Rabbit Hole

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Sep 27

Carlo Sigvald Rohde 1917 – 2005

My father passed away today. It’s just over a year since my mother’s passing. It is the end of an era for the Rohde family in New Zealand.

They were the first, arriving in 1948. Their legacy is an extended family of three generations, and what must be close to 100 individuals.

May my father rest in peace, and the turmoil of living with Alzheimer’s be forgotton in whatever death brings him.

Carlo Sigvald Rohde 1917 – 2005

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Mar 06

Gas, Vomit, Farting And Other Adventures

Ahhh… post-midnight – and I can relax. I should be in bed, but knowing I will be woken in 90-120 minutes with a crying baby makes it seem a little pointless.

Gas, with it’s associated accomplices Fart and Vomit have ensured this. I never knew. Purhaps this was missed from the guidebook? I am sure I never saw how bad, disruptive or weird it all seems. Milk goes in there. Pooh comes out there. Why make it complex? This gas thing, it confuses what is essentially a simple process of supply and demand.

Anyway – it seems I have developed a knack of burping baby.

Now – where did I leave baby?

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