January 18, 2008
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| New Diet Program | |
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10-lb weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door, and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss Company.
The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day, 20-pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day, 50-pound program.
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it, he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, your ass is mine.'
He lost 63 pounds that week. |
Posted by Karl Rohde at 12:00 am | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Humor |
April 26, 2007
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| How smart is your right foot? | |
Just try this. It is from an orthopaedic surgeon.
This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's preprogrammed in your brain!
1. WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY) and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.!!!!!!!!!
I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.
Send it to your friends to frustrate them too. |
Posted by Karl Rohde at 12:00 am | Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0) | Humor |
March 20, 2007
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| How much do you know? | |
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the
stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go
quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said
To the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK" she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and
a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
The little girl turns to the stranger, and says,
"Do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit? |
Posted by Karl Rohde at 12:00 am | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Humor |
February 22, 2007
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| Someone is upset... | |
I guess someone is a little upset.
http://www.karlrohde.com/135 |
Posted by Karl Rohde at 11:10 pm | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Humor |
June 15, 2006
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| Corporate Diversity In Action | |
The diversity team at a large Corporate decided that there was a group not represented at the Corporate - so they went and recruited a tribe of Cannibals.
During their induction training, their manager states that the Corporate respects their diversity, but under no circumstances are they allowed to eat any of their fellow workers!
All goes well for a month until the plant manager confronts them at lunch break in the cafeteria. He praises them for working so hard and so well, and for adapting to Corporate 's way of doing thins, but he has an important matter to raise with them..
One of the Secretaries has gone missing!
He asks the Chief - Have you or any of your tribe had anything to do with this?!?!
The Chief denies all knowledge and the plant manager goes away.
The chief turns to his tribe members and asks "OK - Which one of you ate the Secretary?"
Everybody looks around at each other - and a hand meekly rises at the back.
The Chief says "You Idiot! - For weeks now, we have been eating Managers - and nobody noticed! - And then you have to go and eat a Secretary!!!!!
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Posted by Karl Rohde at 9:40 am | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Humor |
May 6, 2005
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| Irish Luck - Remember to send it back! | |
I want this back. It DOES work.
His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.
There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.
The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.
"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."
"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.
"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.
"Yes," the farmer replied proudly.
"I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of." And that he did.
Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.
Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.
What saved his life this time? Penicillin.
The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name?
Sir Winston Churchill.
Someone once said: What goes around comes around.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
It's National Friendship Week. Send this to
everyone you consider A FRIEND.
Pass this on, and brighten someone's day.
AN IRISH FRIENDSHIP WISH: You had better send
this back!! Good Luck!
I hope it works...
May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
OK, this is what you have to do... Send this to all of your friends.
But - you HAVE to send this within 1 hour from when you open it!
Now.....Make A wish!! I hope you made your wish!
Now then, if you send to:
1 person --- your wish will be granted in 1 year
3 people --- 6 months
5 people --- 3 months
6 people --- 1 month
7 people --- 2 weeks
8 people --- 1 week
9 people --- 5 days
10 people --- 3 days
12 people --- 2 days
15 people --- 1 day
20 people --- 3 hours
If you delete this after you read it, you will have 1 year of bad luck!
But, if you send it to 2 of your friends, you will automatically have 3 years good luck!!!
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Posted by Karl Rohde at 10:52 pm | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Humor |
April 18, 2005
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| How Normal Are you? | |
You Are 55% Normal
(Somewhat Normal)
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While some of your behavior is quite normal...
Other things you do are downright strange
You've got a little of your freak going on
But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself |
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Posted by Karl Rohde at 8:51 am | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0) | Humor |
